


Lay Me Down

by eggsystolemyhart



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Heavy Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2015-11-06
Packaged: 2018-04-30 07:51:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5155991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eggsystolemyhart/pseuds/eggsystolemyhart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five years into their relationship, Harry feels like the luckiest person alive. Eggsy feels like even if he died now, he'll still be the happiest man ever. Well, they do say be careful for what you wish for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lay Me Down

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I was listening to Sam Smith's Lay Me Down when this struck me. This is my first time attempting to write angst so I'm very sorry if it isn't up to anyone's standards. 
> 
> As usual, comments are hugely appreciated!
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> The song and characters obviously don't belong to me. I wish I had a Colin Firth of my own though :p

_Sunlight filtered through the partially opened windows in Harry's room, casting shadowed patterns on Eggsy's back, making his skin look even more creamy and supple than it already was. Harry was already awake, with one arm encircled around his lover's waist, the other hand slowly and tenderly stroking his boy's hair. Gently and lovingly, he pressed his lips onto the assortment of beauty marks and scars that littered the younger man's back. As he stared at Eggsy's still sleeping form, he was appalled at how lucky he was- how he had been chosen to be a part of this fantastic boy's life, this brave, loyal and fiercely beautiful boy; this boy, who had bared his very heart and soul to him since the first time they kissed; this boy, who was so kind and selfless in nature; this boy whom he wanted to protect and love for as long as he should live. He would have thought that sleeping in a bed alone for more than forty years would take him longer than he did to get accustomed to waking up next to somebody else. But this wasn't just somebody else. This was Eggsy- Eggsy was warm, and soft and had the most brilliant and beautiful smile he ever had the good fortune to witness. This was where he could shed the pristine, prim and proper shell he had spent his whole life wearing, this is where he could be himself, right here, next to Eggsy on this very bed, this is where he could call **home**. _

_Yes, I do, I believe_  
_That one day I will be_  
_Where I was right there_  
_Right next to you_  
  
_And it's hard_  
_The days just seem so dark_  
_The moon and the stars_  
_Are nothing without you_

 _Your touch, your skin_  
_Where do I begin?_  
_No words can explain_  
_The way I'm missing you_

An aneurysm. That's all it took to steal Eggsy away, that's all it took to destroy all semblance of home and stability for Harry, that's all it took for Harry to plunge into the dark abyss, drowning and resurfacing, drowning and resurfacing, drowning and resurfacing, until Harry wasn't so sure whether he wanted to resurface anymore. 

Headaches, Eggsy had complained. Everyone had assumed it to be due to the stress of the work.

Blurred vision, Eggsy had complained. Everyone had assumed it to be because of the mild contusion sustained when he had been flung out of the window after the grenade had gone off. 

Nausea, Eggsy had complained. Everyone had assumed it to be because of the sudden plunging of the A347 jet.

But Harry should have known, should have suspected that something was amiss. He of all people should have known that Eggsy had never been stressed about work, he enjoyed it too much- the danger was just the cherry on top. Harry should have known that 24 hours was too long for the effects of the explosion to be felt. Harry should have known that Eggsy was never scared of flying, he who jumped off a helicopter with so little care in the world. Harry saw the signs but nothing struck him, Eggsy was still so young after all, barely thirty, his whole life ahead of him, what life-threatening disease could possibly plague him? 

Now as they lowered his coffin into the ground, it all seemed crystal clear to him, the symptoms that Eggsy had been having. He should have done more, should have done so much more. Now it was all too little too late. Eggsy, his sweet, beautiful boy had ceased to exist. His bright smile when he woke in the morning with ruffled hair and sleep lines had ceased to exist. His carefree laughter from the garden whenever he chased the little pug around had ceased to exist. His love for creeping behind Harry and wrapping his arms around Harry's waist when he was doing dishes had ceased to exist. His incorrigible habit of leaving towels and shirts on the bathroom floor had ceased to exist. His mere presence on the bed they shared, the home that the built together... had ceased to exist. 

 _Deny this emptiness_  
_This hole that I'm inside_  
_These tears_  
_They tell their own story_  
  
_Told me not to cry when you were gone_  
_But the feeling's overwhelming, it's much too strong_

The thing about grief? It is not the easiest thing to express. Outwardly, a few tears have escaped Harry- the tears of desperation when he held onto Eggsy's lifeless body in the wee hours of the morning, when he tried to wake Eggsy up and the bright green eyes failed to look up at him in adoration and wonder as they did before, the tears of loss when they lowered his body into the grave and little Daisy, though still largely uncomprehending of the world, started bawling when she realised that her "Ggy" would never swing her up into his arms and blow raspberries on her cheek again. Everybody assumed that death was the end, a closure. But nobody ever saw what happened when Harry had been alone. When he awoke in the morning and searched for the warmth and softness that was Eggsy, only to find that side of the bed cold and unmade. When he reached the bathroom and saw the products that did not belong to him left untouched, unused. When he opened the wardrobe and noticed the suits of smaller sizes hung up next to his, winged trainers beside scuffed oxfords and snapbacks of different colours and patterns- never to be donned again. When he walked downstairs and saw the little bits and pieces of the life he and Eggsy had built- the stereo set Eggsy insisted on getting, the couch Eggsy insisted on changing and the photos that seem to brutally remind Harry of how Eggsy is right now, dead and unmoving. 

Emptiness; bleak and desolate emptiness, that's how Harry feels. 

 _Can I lay by your side?_  
_Next to you, you_  
_And make sure you're alright_  
_I'll take care of you_  
_I don't want to be here if I can't be with you tonight_  
  
_I'm reaching out to you_  
_Can you hear my call?_  
_This hurt that I've been through_  
_I'm missing you, missing you like crazy_

_" 'Arry, you daft wanker, stop thinkin bout what yous thinkin right this instant."_

_"And what might I be thinking about, pray tell?"_

_"Yous thinkin about how you're old and wrinkly and grey and you think I deserve a better life than that. But you are so bloody wrong bout that." Eggsy said as he took Harry's book from his hands and settled himself onto Harry's lap, reaching up to cradle Harry's face with his hands, thumbs softly caressing Harry's cheeks. "I know I'm an absolute menace with expressing myself with words-"_

_"Understatement of the year" Harry muttered under his breath._

_"Oi you prick, I'm tryna talk here. What they say bout Gentlemen not interrupting someone when they're speakin? Anyway, as I was sayin. You may think that I deserve better and I say that I deserve the fuckin best. That's why I'm with you. Cause you the best anyone can ever get. I love you, 'Arry. I love you so fuckin much you can't believe. It's sappy as fuck but it's also true as fuck. Every mornin I wake up and I wonder how the hell did I get so lucky. What you and me have, this home we've built is the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me, and if I were to die right this instant, I'd have died the happiest man alive. I love you, 'Arry, more than life itself." Eggsy finishes as he pulls Harry closer to him and kisses him, slowly and tenderly at first, then frenzied and biting, conveying through his kisses just how much Harry means to him._

"I love you too" Harry whispers as he lays on his side, staring at the empty space on the bed beside him.  "This doesn't feel like home anymore, this place, this bed. I know now that it was never the bed or the house, it has always been you, you sweet, foolish boy. I was home wherever you were, and I'll be home soon darling." Harry says as he puts on a gold ring and clutches a matching one tightly in his hand, resting his closed fist right above his heart and closes his eyes, smiling as he drifts off to the only place he'll be able to meet Eggsy again. 

 _Can I lay by your side?_  
_Next to you, you_  
_And make sure you're alright_  
_I'll take care of you_  
_I don't want to be here if I can't be with you tonight_  
  
_Lay me down tonight_  
_Lay me by your side_  
_Lay me down tonight_  
_Lay me by your side_  
_Can I lay by your side?_  
_Next to you._

 

**Author's Note:**

> I apologise for any medical inaccuracies in this fic. 
> 
> Thank you so much for taking time to read this! 
> 
> Until next time <3


End file.
